I'm feeling better and I'm feeling worse

I went to bed last night at about 10:30 pm. I fell asleep around 3:30 am. I thikn I didn't eat enough yesterday, and must've had low blood sugar or something. I woke up this morning, decided not to go to work, and instead went to urgent care. They put me on a saline IV which helped my light-headed, weak feelings. They did blood work and saw I was low on potassium. I came home, got into bed, and was planning on sleeping/resting the rest of the day. Instead I spent the evening back at urgent care. This time with my mom. She was having another anxiety attack and was out of her "nerve pills". Don't ask me to go into details, because I'm not going to. I'm finally sitting down now at 8:30. I hope this is a quiet weekend and that I can sleep. I need to.

two, two, two posts in one night!

Just had a chat with the latest woman I've been seeing. She and I both decided it was best that we stopped seeing each other. Neither of use felt that "it" factor. I'm not upset, really. If I look back at what I've done this year on the dating scene (6 dates with 4 different women) compared to the rest of my dating history (3 dates, 3 different women) I'm proud of myself. I'm trying to get out there and find the woman that I'm looking for. So far I just haven't met her yet. I've met some great women that hopefully I'll keep in touch with as friends. And there will be more dates. I'm kinda starting to get the hang of it. Still no dating expert, that's for sure. But I'm also not freaking out when I go on them either.

My Passion

A friend once told me "Chris, you need to find your passion in life". The same friend said "Come on, let me touch your deformed ear. I just want to touch it!" so you have to take their advice with a grain of salt.

What (if any) are my passions in life?
Computers? - well,I spend the majority of my life in front of one, but I'm not really passionate about them. It's my job. I seem to be fairly good at it. I enjoy using it for recreation and
information purposes. But I don't know if I'd call it a passion

Reading? - Used to be my passion, but I can't focus on reading like I used to.

Music? - Out of everything, I'd say this was my last great passion in life. Back when I was in the marching band (shut up! marching band can be passionate, damn you!) I definatly felt like I had a purpose. I enjoy listening to music now, but I get so focused on the music, that I can't do much else at the same time while listening to it. I should get back to the piano sometime. I tried the guitar, maybe I could try it again. I don't see myself playing the trumpet again though. That was a different time, and I don't think my blood pressure could handle it now.

Games? - This would be my biggest hobby. Collecting and playing video/computer/board/card games. Could I call it a passion? maybe, maybe not

Photography/Outdoors? - Two of my more recent hobbies I've picked up. I've tried to get into them, but have lost interest lately. Probably due to how shitty a summer this has been.

It's just so hard to get myself to do anything. I come home from work and just don't want to think, don't want to move, don't want to do a god damn thing at all. Gotta find a way to change that.

ugh

I feel like shit right now. My stomach is killing me. I've felt weird since friday now. I don't know if it's purely physical, if it's stress related, what it is. regardless, I feel like shit. I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm a wreck right now.

This is not where I saw myself on the verge of my 30th birthday. I'm contemplating quitting my job for the second time in a year. That doesn't sit well with me. I'm a very loyal person by nature. If you treat me with respect, I'll carry you on my back, no questions asked. But I'm feeling no respect from my superiors at the current job. I don't want to stay there, but I don't want to quit again. At least this time I'm in a better position. Last year, I didn't have a job for 3 months and was desparate to get back to work and feel worthwhile again. Now I've got a job, and can be pickier about what I do and where I go, depending on the opportunities that are out there.

So, for those of you complaining about me not blogging, this is why. I'm dead tired. I have no motivation to do anything. and I feel sick all the time. So sitting down to type this stuff is not at the tops of my list of things to accomplish when I get home at night. I come home, sit down, and really do nothing for a few hours, then try to fall asleep for a few hours.

anyways, I'm going to lay down now. I might just call in sick tomorrow, try to get some r&r.