Saturday, July 22, 2006

I'm mad

I'm mad, and I'm frustrated, and I'm pissed off. Those are the three ways I primarily describe my mood lately. And the funny (read: strange) thing about it is I don't know why. Sure my job's going through as much turmoil as your average afternoon soap opera, but it's not directly affecting me that much. But I've got a horrible short fuse. I've always been a little too quick to freak out about things, but now it's almost to the point I can't control it. I get mad at friends who are going through difficult times of their own, and that's wrong of me. I just can't make sense out of what's going through my head right now. I apologize to any of my friends that I may have hurt in the past few months, I didn't mean it. I just can't seem to handle things not going "according to plan" anymore. and I don't know what to do to fix it. So I'm writing this to admit that I need help. I've talked to my doctor about the situation. I told him I'm not comfortable upping the dose of the paxil I'm on (yes, I'm freely admitting to being on paxil) and he's suggested a psychiatrist for me to meet with. I've been scared and ashamed to do it before now, but I'll be setting up an appointment to meet with him sometime next week. I can't go on like this without risking losing friends and further digging myself into this emotional hole that I've found myself in and can't get out of.