"I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the down side of up
And everything between"
-What It's Like - Everlast
There’s a big
a big hard sun
beating on the big people
in the big hard world"
-Hard Sun - Eddie Vedder
Let's see...what happened today. Not a whole lot besides alot of snow. I was able to give somebody some good news at work today, so that was a nice switch compared to the past week or so. Honestly, I can't really thinkg of anything else "journal"ish to write. So I'll just go off on a tangent for a while..
I picked the first set of lyrics above for two reasons. A) it's what was playing on the Shoutcast station I was listening to as I worked on this post and B) It seemed like a good way to describe how life should be treated. Not so much from the pure irony standpoint the lyrics seem to take, but more from the standpoint that expectations are a tricky thing.
I picked the second set of lyrics above also for two reasons a) it's the second song that's come on since I've been working on this post and B) it kinda helps to remind me that life's unfair, and you gotta get over it.
Ok, enough with the lyrics, let's get down to the nitty gritty here. I didn't like the tone of my frustrations post the other day. I have this problem where I get caught up in this irrational idea that because I'm a supposed "good" guy and that I follow the rules and do what I'm "supposed" to do that I'm entitled to something as a result of it. I've tried to figure out where I got that idea from, but at this point I'm not really even sure if that would make much difference. Maybe it's just from being too logical of a thinker and looking at cause and effect so much throughout my life up until now. I dunno. Whatever it is, I need to find a way to counteract it. I should be able to accept what life gives me and make the best of it. and not get caught up in expectations and feeling due something. I guess that's kinda why I'm doing this again, this whole blogging thing, to try and document these times like these and try to work out in my head where I went wrong and try to find a way to make changes. I feel a little weird putting this out in the public like this, but I think it's necessary. I think I need to own up to my actions more and not just write them off. So any readers out there, feel free to call me on my shit now and then
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
frustrations
this post may sound whiny or bitchy, but I don't really care. Part of my resolution this year was to get myself to get stuff like this out and documented so that I can hopefully learn something from it and make myself a better person. This here is one of those such posts.
frustration is something that has a firm grasp on my life. Here's a list of the things that caused me frustration today: (Please note, I'm not justifying or rationalizing these things, I'm merely listing them)
ok, first off, most of these things shouldn't be causing me frustration. I can see that now, but when those events occurred, my first reactino was that of frustration. Either out of jealousy, or a sense of "unfairness". I shouldn't feel that I'm owed anything, but I do. Anyways, I'm going to watch some tv and chill out for a while. I'll come back later and edit this post with some more thoughts and musings.
frustration is something that has a firm grasp on my life. Here's a list of the things that caused me frustration today: (Please note, I'm not justifying or rationalizing these things, I'm merely listing them)
- a good friend is getting married. someone I had a crush on for a while but never acted upon
- a project a former employee of mine was working on needs to be completed, and I found out that he didn't complete nearly as much of it as he had claimed
- a good friend who's going through some job difficulties, who I've been trying to support and be a good friend to, opened up to someone else who has more..ulterior motives behind being their for her.
- somebody cut me off on the way home.
- I spent a couple hours last night going through personal ads and not getting any replies.
ok, first off, most of these things shouldn't be causing me frustration. I can see that now, but when those events occurred, my first reactino was that of frustration. Either out of jealousy, or a sense of "unfairness". I shouldn't feel that I'm owed anything, but I do. Anyways, I'm going to watch some tv and chill out for a while. I'll come back later and edit this post with some more thoughts and musings.
Journal Entry - January 14, 2008
Need to play some catchup this morning:
Friday - busy day at work. After work I went over to my cousin's house to work on her and her husband's wireless network. I had set it up for them last year and for some reason it stopped working for them. I have no idea what happened to it, but the router was making a high-pitched whine that changed frequency depending on whether or not a pc was plugged into it or not. That being beyond my scope of tech support, I suggested we buy a new router. Put the new router in and they were good to go. After that I showed my cousin how to synchronize music to her new cell phone. then I tried to get their new road runner accounts setup, but stupid RR would say their password was valid on their account management site, but not on their webmail site nor through POP access. whatever. Then I showed them how to burn cds in iTunes. After that it was about 11 and I headed home.
Saturday - slept in until 11ish, got up and did some straightening up. the Doors (Scott and Garland for those that don't know them) came up and we hung out. We went to best buy, did some shopping. I picked up Geometry Wars for the DS (highly recommended for DS owners). Then we went back to my apartment and watched Shoot 'Em Up. Very fun cheesy action movie. No real deep plot, just alot of over the top action. After the Doors left, I watched Shortbus, a movie recommended by my surrogate girlfriend Jen (NOT Jennifer "glittergirl" Charlton, this is a different Jen). And by surrogate I mean, not my girlfriend, we're just good friends that talk on the phone almost everyday like a boyfriend and girlfriend would do. But we're not, and she already has a bf, and even if she didn't, things wouldn't work out between us. So yeah, that was a tangent, anyways, back to the movie. It was this odd artsy kind of movie revolving around this couples counselor/sex therapist who's never had an orgasm. It's a pretty graphic movie, but I thought it was really interesting. It explored a bunch of different people and their quests for finding themselves basically. If you're open-minded and don't get freaked out easily when it comes to sex (hetero and otherwise), I think it's worth a watch.
Sunday - Got up early for some reason. Ok, so it was 9, but for me that's early on a weekend. I got motivated and did dishes, washed my cpap mask, started laundry, tore down some cardboard boxes and took a whole car load of cardboard up to the recycle dropoff. Got a call from Todd and Kathy inviting me out to go shopping with them. We went up to Value City. I picked up 3 pairs of jeans, a couple sweatshirts, and a pair of shoes. Came home, and just kinda shut down for the rest of the evening.
So there's my weekend wrapup.
Friday - busy day at work. After work I went over to my cousin's house to work on her and her husband's wireless network. I had set it up for them last year and for some reason it stopped working for them. I have no idea what happened to it, but the router was making a high-pitched whine that changed frequency depending on whether or not a pc was plugged into it or not. That being beyond my scope of tech support, I suggested we buy a new router. Put the new router in and they were good to go. After that I showed my cousin how to synchronize music to her new cell phone. then I tried to get their new road runner accounts setup, but stupid RR would say their password was valid on their account management site, but not on their webmail site nor through POP access. whatever. Then I showed them how to burn cds in iTunes. After that it was about 11 and I headed home.
Saturday - slept in until 11ish, got up and did some straightening up. the Doors (Scott and Garland for those that don't know them) came up and we hung out. We went to best buy, did some shopping. I picked up Geometry Wars for the DS (highly recommended for DS owners). Then we went back to my apartment and watched Shoot 'Em Up. Very fun cheesy action movie. No real deep plot, just alot of over the top action. After the Doors left, I watched Shortbus, a movie recommended by my surrogate girlfriend Jen (NOT Jennifer "glittergirl" Charlton, this is a different Jen). And by surrogate I mean, not my girlfriend, we're just good friends that talk on the phone almost everyday like a boyfriend and girlfriend would do. But we're not, and she already has a bf, and even if she didn't, things wouldn't work out between us. So yeah, that was a tangent, anyways, back to the movie. It was this odd artsy kind of movie revolving around this couples counselor/sex therapist who's never had an orgasm. It's a pretty graphic movie, but I thought it was really interesting. It explored a bunch of different people and their quests for finding themselves basically. If you're open-minded and don't get freaked out easily when it comes to sex (hetero and otherwise), I think it's worth a watch.
Sunday - Got up early for some reason. Ok, so it was 9, but for me that's early on a weekend. I got motivated and did dishes, washed my cpap mask, started laundry, tore down some cardboard boxes and took a whole car load of cardboard up to the recycle dropoff. Got a call from Todd and Kathy inviting me out to go shopping with them. We went up to Value City. I picked up 3 pairs of jeans, a couple sweatshirts, and a pair of shoes. Came home, and just kinda shut down for the rest of the evening.
So there's my weekend wrapup.
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