Saturday, July 22, 2006

I'm mad

I'm mad, and I'm frustrated, and I'm pissed off. Those are the three ways I primarily describe my mood lately. And the funny (read: strange) thing about it is I don't know why. Sure my job's going through as much turmoil as your average afternoon soap opera, but it's not directly affecting me that much. But I've got a horrible short fuse. I've always been a little too quick to freak out about things, but now it's almost to the point I can't control it. I get mad at friends who are going through difficult times of their own, and that's wrong of me. I just can't make sense out of what's going through my head right now. I apologize to any of my friends that I may have hurt in the past few months, I didn't mean it. I just can't seem to handle things not going "according to plan" anymore. and I don't know what to do to fix it. So I'm writing this to admit that I need help. I've talked to my doctor about the situation. I told him I'm not comfortable upping the dose of the paxil I'm on (yes, I'm freely admitting to being on paxil) and he's suggested a psychiatrist for me to meet with. I've been scared and ashamed to do it before now, but I'll be setting up an appointment to meet with him sometime next week. I can't go on like this without risking losing friends and further digging myself into this emotional hole that I've found myself in and can't get out of.

3 comments:

GLITTERGIRL said...

i'm so proud of you.

there's no shame in asking for help, or for taking medication. i've done both in the past and will do so again if need be.

i think it's brave to admit you're wrong, or scared, or that you're pissed off and you don't know why.

the shame would be in pretending nothing was wrong, and losing friends or hurting people in the process.

Anonymous said...

Hey Chris!

Been there, done that, and it helped. A lot. You're well prepared by being honest with yourself - most people aren't so lucky. You'll be fine.

I know we don't talk much anymore but if you need to unload on someone let me know.

Anonymous said...

I love you chris!