Sunday, January 01, 2006

I tried

I tried. probably harder than I should've. but I tried. I tried to make things work with Kendra. But we're just making ourselves sick trying to do it. I'm not good enough for her standards in her mind. I'm tired of not being happy with myself and the changes I've made as a human being. We're not officially broken up, but we decided this morning that we needed time apart. Honestly, I don't know how I can go back to that situation again, so I'll probably have to end things here eventually, maybe this time off will make it easier to officially end it, maybe not. I dunno.

My goal after I get over the initial shock and pain is to spend time figuring out what truly makes me happy. Not what makes the people around me happy. I've spent the majority of the 30 years minus 3 weeks of my life worrying about making people happy. I do things that make someone else happy that makes me happy. I need to be more selfish for a while. And hopefully someday I can find a woman that can accept me for what I am and can be happy for me while I make her as happy as I possibly can. My pessimist side is fighting really hard to take over right now. And I've got to just do what I can to fight it off and realize that there are a shitload of fish in the sea.

I'm gonna go now, cause I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
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6 comments:

GLITTERGIRL said...

an open letter to the girl who blew it,

as much as i hate the way you treated my friend, and the hurt you caused him, i feel more sorry for you then him.

you see, you had a guy that was more then "good enough" for you from the start. a guy who's funny as hell, whip smart, and a genuinely good person. he only wanted to make you happy, but you never let him. instead you invented "problems" and issues and things he needed to work on. and with all the crap you threw at him, he kept trying, just for you. he took all the kicks and came back for more. now that's a guy worth keeping!

but you kicked him one too many times, and i think he's finally done. i hope so. because he deserves to be with someone who is not only a girlfriend/drill sargeant, but someone who is a soft place to land.

he was that place for you all along, but you were too dumb/scared to let yourself fall a little. so you'll go back to being single, thinking you were right about everything. too stubborn/scared to see that you made mistakes, or to learn from those mistakes.

that's where my bro chris is different. he's going to come out of this for the better. and when he finds the girl who deserves him, he'll have a shot at true joy and happiness.

1/02/2006 12:37:00 AM
Anonymous said...

Sounds like you did the right thing...I think you'll be fine once the initial shock wears off..Sounds like she has a few more problems than you might want to deal with....Just go out and have fun and do what makes you happy....

1/02/2006 07:31:00 PM
Anonymous said...

I hope she fucken burns in a fire... Now i normally say that to alot of people but this kendra girl gets the real deal, if copax would tell me where she lived i would go torch the house. Not only would i have no remorse for the action but i would stand outside of the place with my can of gasoline and lighter and just beam a little smile, then turn around and drive home like nothing happened. Crazy? You bet ya, you don't fuck with copax and live to tell about it...

1/02/2006 08:11:00 PM
GLITTERGIRL said...

btw- it's time to update your profile on this blog. that's describing the old copaX.

1/03/2006 10:33:00 PM
copaX said...

I'm not quite ready to describe the new copaX yet. still got some things to get through first, then I'll try it.

1/04/2006 06:24:00 AM
Anonymous said...

Ok Chris, we will be waiting for the new and improved Chris to appear....You can only get better...

1/06/2006 02:18:00 PM

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