Movin' out - Part 2

Well, July 12th turned into June 27th. Just got back from walking through a model apartment. I applied for, and was accepted for, a 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath apartment. My move-in date is 8/15. It'll be cleaned, painted, and have new carpeting, which'll be nice. So now I've gotta start packing, and shopping for furniture, and all of that fun stuff :)

New Blog Feature

I've added a new feature to my blog, it's a Google Reader widget (it's over on the right, underneath my ugly mug). I've gotten hooked on reading RSS feeds in Google Reader, and now whenever I see something I think would be interesting to any of my blog reader(s), I can click a button and it'll automagically show up in that little widget there.

Movin' out

I've started the process to move out. My best friend Scott (s-door) lives in Twinsburg in Deer Run apartments. I've gone up there to hang out with him practically every saturday, so I figured, what the hell, I'll get my own place up there. It's a nice area, midway between home and work, all the amenities close by. Not the fanciest of places, but I'm not the fanciest of guys, so what's the point. They're supposed to have one available to walk through on July 12th, so i'll check it out then. 2 bedrooms, either 1.5 or 2 baths, depending on which unit ends up being available. This is something I should've done years ago, but was either too afraid or too distracted by other things to make it happen. Hopefully I see it through this time.

Euler's Disk - fun for the whole family

Truth in advertising!

Razor - Foo Fighters

If I ever, ever, ever get to the point in my life that I can play this song, I will be able to die a happy man.

The 3rd brick building....you know...cause there's only one direction to count buildings

So I had an appointment at the cardiologists office. First off, got a little confused, they moved it from the Ravenna office to the "Expansion office next door" So I called today before I left work to make sure I knew where I was going. Obviously I was a little preoccupied being at work, so I didn't think twice when the receptionist said "You know where the Ravenna office is, right? Well that's the 2nd brick building, you just want the 3rd brick building" Not until I got there and realized "Hey wait...which direction do I count from?" Needless to say I counted the wrong direction, and went to the "1st" brick building, which was the "3rd" brick building the way *I* counted. I'll have to write a letter, get them to rearrange the buildings.
Anyways, got in to the proper building, had an ekg done, talked to the nurse practicitioner or physicians' assistant, whatver he was. He said my echo from last week looked ok, there was mild dialation of my right ventricle, and a few other technical things which he lost me on (pre-load vs. post-load pressures, you'd think I have a hydraulic system in there...oh wait) Anyways, the main thing he said was that there's nothing glaringly obvious that they're seeing that would make them say "Hey! that's probably what caused him to go into atrial fibrillation!" Which is both good and bad. On the good side, there's nothing major wrong with me. On the bad side, there's still the whole unanswered question of "Hey! what caused me to go into atrial fibrillation?" Sleep apnea is still a suspect at this point. And honestly I think I probably do have anea. With my sleep problems, and my lack of energy, the heart stuff, it all kinda adds up.
Which is a perfect segueway into my new life goal. I'm going to weigh 250 lbs within a calendar year. 03/07/08. That's about 50 lbs of weight loss (give or take 5 lbs), which works out to around 4-5 lbs weight loss a month. The NP/PA/WE said in his opinion if I got down to 250 I more than likely could get off the blood pressure medication. And it'd help me across the board. I'm just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. And I'm getting fed up with these condtions that lead to tests that lead to no answers. Other than I'm fat which is not a good thing to be when you've got the family health history I have. So I'm sure some of you are asking "How do you plan to lose 50 lbs in 12 months?" I really don't know yet, other than I've gotta get more active. I need to walk more, gotta get back into hiking again. After I get back into exercise, then I'll worry about tweaking a diet.
So we'll see what happens. Maybe I can pull it off, maybe I can't. won't be the end of the world either way. At least I've got something in sight to strive for.

Brandywine Falls

Finally got outside for a bit this weekend. Garland, his mom, and I went to the covered bridge in Boston and Brandywine Falls to test out her new camera. I took a few pictures, and made the following YouTube vid of how much the falls was flowing thanks to the thaw. Hopefully spring shows up soon so I can get back out there and start hiking again.

Link to my Yahoo Photos

Another Movie/Radio Show Recommendation

I'm torn with this one. I'm not sure whether to recommend you watch the movie first, then check out the radio show, or the radio show first, then the movie. It's probably best that you check out the radio show to start. Either way, this is a wonderful movie to watch. Robert Altman directed it, and it was his last film actually. It's got a star studded cast, and it really does a great job of portraying the essence of the radio show, and of it's creator Garrison Keillor.


On a personal note, I've been promoted to Programming Manager, as Zak has spread his wings and flown to greener pastures. I've also had to deal with a bout of atrial fibrillation, where my heart just felt it was too good for beating like normal hearts do, and went for more of a syncopated or jazzy rhythm instead. Thanks to the wonders of modern medicine, I was spared having to be shocked to get the heart back into step. At this point, things are still a little cloudy as to the cause. Sleep Apnea looks to be the odds on favorite for the time being, possibly aided and abetted by stress. Any who, I'm doing fine now, save for some nasty blueish/purplish bruises on my forearms due to failed IV draws, and a rather persistent and nagging sense of "When will I go into afib next?". Funny thing, when you go into afib, they tend to like to use large bore needles, something about needing to get the drugs in you that much quicker.

Go watch the movie above (and the one below if you still haven't yet), and we'll chat another day.

Little Miss Sunshine

Everyone needs to see this movie. And if they don't like it, well, then you need some help, I'm afraid.

Hahaha

This is a good test. if there's anybody that can watch this video without laughing....I'm not sure I want to know you anymore LOL

Chancho...

...when you are a man...sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room....Just for fun

Where I'm at

Figured since i hadn't blogged for a while, I'd make a post about where I'm at lately. I've been spending alot of time in my own head to be honest. I've been going to therapy for the past 2 months now. Therapy's been very eye-opening to me. I've learned alot about myself, and I've learned alot about Dad as a result. I've learned about the problems I have that need to be worked on. But as a result of this learning process I'm not the same person I was before I started. I've got clear goals in my life now, but I'm very confused as to how to accomplish them. Another thing that's resulted from going through therapy is that I've learned that I don't know who I am, or what I like. I've spent my entire life doing what other people liked in order to make them happy. And now I'm trying to find the things that truly make me happy. And I'm not having much luck yet. I feel like I'm an engine from a car. I've taken myself apart, down to the nuts and bolts. I've found the parts that were bad. I'm not sure how to fix them (or if they even need to be fixed), but on the other hand, I'm still in pieces as I'm trying to rebuild myself. And I'm also having more trouble coping with losing Dad. I never expected myself to be completely over it, but i had been handling it pretty well for a while. I think it's the season change. It's surprising how many "anniversaries" there are the year after you've lost a family member. You build yourself up for the big anniversaries (holidays, birthdays), but it's the little ones that sneak up on you. My oldest newphew, Ben, turned 13 a oouple of weeks ago. He's become such a great young man, and it was a good party to celebrate him, but it felt so strange and so different without Dad being there. My cousin is talking about her upcoming marriage, my other cousin and her new husband were sharing ideas with her sister. It really hammered home how much life can change and morph on you, regardless of whether you want it to or are prepared for it. I've had a hard time historically with change. I get into a groove, and don't change a thing from then on. Unfortunately, this year has pulled my eyes apart and shown me how quickly and significantly life can affect you. But that's the point of living. The point isn't to go through it safely with no worries about being hurt and never losing anything. You just can't do it. And trying to do it, makes you end up wasting the life you've been given. I've watched some of my friends really live their lives. And being there to be able to help them handle their fears and trepidations about the paths they're starting on has really shown me that even the people that I think are so much stronger than me are still human. The point isn't to not be afraid of life. The point is to see that the end of the road is so worth any bumps you may hit along the way. And going through those bumps just help to let you grow as a person. I've spent the first 30 years of my life being so worried about avoiding every bump possible, that I haven't lived. I've missed so much, and missed out on so much. And making the changes I need to start to really live my life are very scary changes. And they're changes that the way my brain is "wired" right now, it's screaming at me to just stop and go back to the way things used to be. I was "safe" back then, even though I wasn't safe. You can never really be safe. You can do as much as you can to keep yourself from being hurt physically/mentally/emotionally. But there's no way to completely avoid getting hurt. But as I said, that's the point of life. Ride the ride. It's gonna suck, and it's gonna be good. It may never be amazing for you like some other people's lives. But you've got to live your life, and they'll live their life.

wow, sorry to ramble. anyways, that's just the tip of the iceberg as to what's going on in my head these days. It's like I've gone through life with dark glasses on, and I'm trying to adjust to the light after having the glasses broken and finally deciding to throw away the frames. Here's hoping it doesn't blind me ;-)

Day on the Islands

I had one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. Todd and Kathy Paridon invited me and Mom up to Kathy's mom's place up on South Bass Island. She's got a bunch of bedrooms, and rents some to people staying on the island.



We met up at the Paridon's house friday night after work. We caught the ferry over and met Kathy's mom, Nettie, who drove us to her place. We got settled and turned in for the night




Saturday we got up, had some breakfast, then hit the road for our tour of the island with Todd and Kathy. We walked around downtown, got some lunch, did some shopping. After the tour, we went back to the house to get ready for dinner. Todd grilled up some peppers onions and potatos, then made the best steak I've EVER TASTED! He used this marinade that was beyond compare, it had a hint of sweetness to it. God. I dreamt about that steak that night.



Kathy's sister and brother-in-law, who run a full bed and breakfast, stopped over for dinner and their dog, Shep, came over with them. Shep was the coolest, calmest, best behaved dog I'd met in a long time. After dinner, Todd, Kathy and I went for a cruise downtown to check out the nightlife. Not much was happening downtown, so we checked out the point, where we saw a couple of the Perseid meteors.

All in all it was an amazing relaxing weekend. Full pictures can be seen here

Worst Music Video EVER

This video scares me and makes me laugh at the same time. I think I weakened my soul watching this. Please. Join in the fun.

crazy japanese crotch smashing fun

Surprisingly part of me would rather do this than go back to work tomorrow

I'm mad

I'm mad, and I'm frustrated, and I'm pissed off. Those are the three ways I primarily describe my mood lately. And the funny (read: strange) thing about it is I don't know why. Sure my job's going through as much turmoil as your average afternoon soap opera, but it's not directly affecting me that much. But I've got a horrible short fuse. I've always been a little too quick to freak out about things, but now it's almost to the point I can't control it. I get mad at friends who are going through difficult times of their own, and that's wrong of me. I just can't make sense out of what's going through my head right now. I apologize to any of my friends that I may have hurt in the past few months, I didn't mean it. I just can't seem to handle things not going "according to plan" anymore. and I don't know what to do to fix it. So I'm writing this to admit that I need help. I've talked to my doctor about the situation. I told him I'm not comfortable upping the dose of the paxil I'm on (yes, I'm freely admitting to being on paxil) and he's suggested a psychiatrist for me to meet with. I've been scared and ashamed to do it before now, but I'll be setting up an appointment to meet with him sometime next week. I can't go on like this without risking losing friends and further digging myself into this emotional hole that I've found myself in and can't get out of.

Update part 2

If you don't want see something gross, stay away from Update part 1 below. Anyways, this is a picture of the shadow box g-door's sister made for me. the flowers in it are from my dad's funeral. She took them from the ceremony and dried them for us, then framed them (if you ever need framing, go to Pat Catans in Akron and ask for Charlotte. Tell her Chris said she's the best framer he's ever met). She made a box for me, one for my sister and a bigger one for my mom. They turned out absolutely beautifully and I'm extremely thankful to her for making this memento for my family. Thank you, Charlotte.

Update part 1

Ok, this is the graphic part of my update tonight. Here's the result of the shed building experiment over at G-doors this past weekend. Hard to explain without visuals, I'll have to get a scan of the shed instruction manual to show how it happened. I got my finger caught someplace it shouldn't have been. After a visit to the friendly akron city er and 3 stitches later I was back on the road. Had a whole big finger wrapped in bandage so I couldn't type with it. I've redressed it tonight and can actually use the index finger a little bit. Typing with 9 fingers isn't very fun, kinda cramps/aches the other joints.

P.S. for those curious, the little piece of white is a piece of the bandage that got stuck in a scab. it came off after I soaked it in peroxide. now you know.

My ever inspriring CEO/CTO/CIO/whatever he is

Boss: "We can use these images for the new website, but we'd have to pay for them. some of them are 10 cents, some are 50 bucks, others are 1000 bucks. Or I can take my fancy HP *points at me* have him get all dressed up and take pictures"
CEO/CTO/CIO/whatever he is: "What? like some Chippendales thing? *proceeds to dance like an old person trying to dance cool* Our customers would be throwing up *makes throwing up noises. We'd need barf bags on every page"


oh, and you know you suck when you're so bored you're reposting surveys on your myspace bulletins, and myspace shuts down the bulletins on you. somebody's probably watching my activity saying "Jesus christ dude, go do something else" *clicks to turn off bulletins*

edit:
just messaged a friend who came online. He replied with "bad time, naked girl on bed" And with that, I'm going to go to bed and channel surf and bring an end to my wonderful friday evening.